


It Was Enough

by Professional_Creeper



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Rape Recovery, male rape survivor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 09:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5042185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Professional_Creeper/pseuds/Professional_Creeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When sex brings up too many painful memories, snuggles are more than good enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was Enough

She laid her head lightly on his shoulder, letting the soft wool of his coat scratch the underside of her chin. His muscles tensed for just a moment at the contact before he realized it was her, and smiling, let his body melt against her.

It was always this way -- the millisecond of fear at being touched, even when logic said it could not have been anyone else. The two of them had been the only occupants of their small apartment for years now. The now-remote possibility that an assailant was coming to hurt him was still ever present at the edge of every thought and every moment, like the darkened corners of a vignette. In a far away corner of his mind there was blood, and burning, and strong arms pinning him, but he ignored it. It was far enough away now that he _could_ ignore it.

Content in the safety of her embrace, he sighed. Here, nothing would hurt him. Not even her. She rested an ear against the side of his neck and listened to the rush of blood beating in rhythmic strokes. She would never ask him for more. This was enough. It was enough to be close to him, feeling the texture of his clothes, and inhaling the sweet musk of his skin. Tasting the mint on his lips. When he opened his eyes, she was blinded by the intensity of blue in them, like a thousand sparkling oceans concentrated into two human irises.

This was enough.

They had managed to have sex before, and it was a proud achievement. It felt like a necessary step -- to conquer that fear, and reclaim intimacy as something safe and sacred between them. To know the past wouldn't control them. That it couldn't hurt him anymore.

But it did hurt.

It hurt enough to question whether a moment of pleasure was worth the wave of vivid memory, unwanted and unasked for, that would leave him spiraling in the riptide and gasping for air. Most days, this was too much. It was never clear if he was left stronger or more shattered for their efforts, and most days it was too much to even consider. In her eyes, he could see that she would like more, but she tried to hide it from him. She would never wish to add to his pain. She didn't want him to worry that he wasn't giving her enough. She didn't need sex to be happy.

This was enough most days, to be comfortable in the warm glow of each other's arms. She knew his limits well by now, triggers traced like a map around their lives together, and she knew how to sidestep each landmine with precision. If he came to her again with desires he deemed worth fighting for, she would be waiting to combat the demons by his side. Until then, this was enough.

The morning sun shone white through the kitchen window as they left the reverie of their moment to prepare for the day. Coffee still had to be hastily chugged down, and the rent and bills for the apartment had to be earned. The world outside wasn't protected like the space in here. There were dangers at every turn, for both of them, but they let each other go to fight their own battles. They would always have this space at the end of the day, where they protected each other, fought for each other, and rubbed balm on each other's wounds. When the light faded to gold, to orange, to purple, to black, their world would be small and simple again: four walls, a bedroom, a roof over their heads. Safe in their world, the closeness of her skin, and the heat of his breath was enough; was all that mattered.

 


End file.
